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2003-12-08 - 6:23 a.m.

another lovely weekend. nice to know people care. the desire to just die is coming back. This weekend was terrible. Putting up Christmas decorations-who would have thought that would be an invitation for me and my mom to fight? wait, anything is good enough to fight about. She yelled at me for pointless stuff ALL WEEKEND. and then i brought up some conversation about drugs, just to se what would happened. I was waiting for her to be like, 'so yeah, lanna, you were really smashed when you came home a couple weeks ago.' Nothin. it was totally open. she had no idea. This is my parent. Ain't i lucky?!?!?

i hate my life. i hate my house. i hate my lack of a family. I hate that fact that i'm losing all of my friends. i hate that's i'm alone. and mostly i hate Christmas, because it only makes the pain that much sharper.

You say I'm always happy

and that i'm good at what i do

but what you'll never realize

is I'm a damn good actress too.

But i'm not anymore.

 

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