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2003-08-18 - 2:58 p.m. Soo..the band comes back tomorrow...and Burns leaves *sniff*. Well, it was fun hanguing out all the time, but all good things come to an end, i guess. Boring weekend. I made pancakes this morning..i feel accomplished. I love waking up and cooking breakfast. I really am starting to hate summer a whole lot, but at the same time, I don't want to go back to school. I just want to be busy and involved again. I can't stnad this..nothingness. Besides the loneliness...I just can't take being this idle all the damn time. I need stuff to do, and I need to hang out with my friends more. I miss everybody, and I feel like we're falling apart. I never know who's mad at me or why or if they even are. I feel like I don't know who's my friend anymore and who isn't; who actually cares about me and who doesn't. I was kind of cheered up for a while, and now I'm getting really depressed again. I wish I could just be happy sometimes for no reason at all. "It makes me mad, cuz I wanna be happy so bad, it makes me mad, cuz I wanna be happy sooo bad."~Lit It's also irritating to be depressed in such nice weather, because it makes me want to go out and play, but I don't want to do anything. My mother, intuitive genius that she is, is just starting to notice that I seem "out of sorts." Good job, Mommy! I swear, she couldn't notice less about me if I lived in a different house! Either that or she notices nad never says anything, which is just as bad. I mean, I guess it's good that she doesn't bug me, although she does occasionally, but I would feel better if maybe she just noticed that something was wrong. I think we've been getting alomg better lately, though. We've actually had some-*gasp*-conversations! I still haven't re-addressed the topic of RCIA though. I really hesitate, because I know she can't actually stop me, and I don't think that she would, but she was NOT happy about my decision to do it. She knows I've started going to church again, and she hasn't said anything about it, but I guess I'll just tell her after I sign up or something...I don't know what to do. I have to think up reasons to tell her WHY I'm doing it, and "I'm depressed and this will help me" probably won't cut it. She said she'd "think about it," but as far as I'm concerned, this is not her decision anymore. It was her decision when I was little, but I'm 17, and I think I have the right to decide this for myself.
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